Well said, sir. Well said.

Analogies are so excellent for purposes of satire; you’ll forgive me however if I also look forward with bated breath for the claymation version to come out. I’m sure Ray Harryhausen’s* rendition of DCA vs. Everyone Else will be AWESOME!

Cheers.

——————-
*Or Nick Park.

——————————————————————————-

ianwright:

Wow. Some news today!

You have probably heard about the death rattle of Favrd.com by now. Unfortunately, the end of this popular website has started a chain reaction through the technorati of personal publishing and then the web in general.

The first casualty I’m sorry to break to you is Twitter. The guys behind Twitter don’t like people outside the original user base clique using the sevice, or the fact Facebook is doing well and attracting many users. So rather than putting some effort in, they are shutting the site down and blaming it on all the people that have a user name more than four letters long.

Next, I’m afraid Tumblr are shutting up shop due to too many people using their service that don’t have the ability to take screenshots on their iPhone. Also they are citing the fact that people use their platform for blogging and gaining recognition… and frankly, people can not be trusted with that.

Twitpic are rumored next to bail, after rumblings that they are unimpressed with young ladies taking pictures of breasts to put on the internet. Soon they are to put a statement out explaining they simply just can’t trust the general public to use their service wisely, and turn the website off.

Google are in high level management talks, sick of the fact that the majority of searches on their popular self titled search engine are in fact for pornography. They feel that people using their service to search for porn is debasing them, and since they don’t respect people for searching for porn, it’s time to close down.

In their closing down statement Google are expected to acknowledge people can search the internet from other sources, but encourage people to ask their friends if they know of a good article on their chosen subject rather than use another search engine… and if they come accross a good article, write the author a little note saying thank you rather than using the comments section. After all, nothing warms the heart of a web author more than having 200+ emails a day saying “Great article - thanks” and explaining why they enjoyed exactly what the person crafted for them to enjoy.

@ian_wright

morrowplanet:

Two years ago today, this happened. And I don’t mean my son’s tooth coming in; of course, I mean that I first tweeted.

What a weird two years.

As I’ve become increasingly engaged with some kind of Twitter community, I’ve encountered: love, anger, births, deaths, proposals, breakups, people gone missing, people found. Warmth, filth, and everything in between. Competitiveness and apathy.

Most of all, I’ve found laughter.

Wait, what? Those things aren’t weird at all. They’re what life is made of, online or off. Turns out we aren’t really living all that differently because of Twitter, we’re just doing it cracked open for everyone to see.

All the better to let through a little of that interior light we keep so hidden.

.

This is my very first reblog, I believe! —So well said, Mike. And to think that Twitter CAN be more than fart jokes…

So happy, my identity’s been solidified! I am:

A nerdy, underfollowed, chicagoish ‘witter’ of prodigious intellect, a sparkly-fizzy amusing jackass who’s never been in @EntropyAS’s kitchen, a musical find with whom @damselesque has never slept. I’m cheesecake who has been touched by @GorillaSushi, I’m one of kawasaki’s kids and might someday be invited to share a beer with @cravenheart at the lip of Mr. Krakatoa. Finally I have a meaning, a purpose —
I.
AM.
LISTED!!
*shouted with the mad exultation of Gene wilder in Young Frankenstein*

[Note: When trying to fix the inexplicably run-on, no-break formatting of this (NOT how I typed it), Tumblr wouldn’t let me, had “temporarily unavailable pages/functions”. I will fix it thru HTML when tumblr lets me. I know it’s awful without paragraph breaks & with too-wide line-spacing. I will fix when I can. Aaaaaaaaaargh. Thank you.]

———

I am Bam

I am Bam

Bam I can

.

That Bam-I-can!
That Bam-I-can!
I do not like
that Bam-I-can!

.

Do you like

good Health Care Plan?

.

I do not like it,

Bam-I-can.
I do not like
good Health Care Plan.

.

Would you like it
for your friends?

.

I would not like it
for my friends.
I would not like it
for the bends.
I do not like
good Health Care Plan.
I do not like it,
Bam-I-can.

.

Would you like it
for a boil?
Would you like it
for your mohel?

.

I do not like it
for a boil.
I never, ever
use a mohel.
I do not like it
for a friend.
I do not like it
for the bends.
I do not like good Health Care Plan.
I do not like it, Bam-I-can.

.

Would you use it
if you’re ill?
Would you help us
pass this bill?

.

Not if I’m ill.
Don’t want no bill.
Not for a boil.
Not with a mohel.
I would not wish it for my friends.
I don’t care what the consequence!
I would not like good Health Care Plan.
I do not like it, Bam-I-can.

.

Would you? Could you?
Help the poor?
Need it! Need it!
Uninsured.

.

I would not,
could not,
help the poor.

.

You may like it.
You will see.
You may like it
if it’s free!

.

I would not, could not if it’s free.
Not help the poor! You let me be.

.

I do not like it if I’m ill.
I do not like this Nazi bill.
I do not like it for a boil.
I do not know what is a mohel.
I do not like it for your friends.
Just let them die of the fucking bends.
I do not like good Health Care Plan.
I do not like it, Bam-I-can.

.

It’s broke! It’s broke!
It’s broke! It’s broke!
Could you, please,
admit it’s broke?

.

No it ain’t broke! Don’t need it free!
Fuck the poor! Bam! Let me be!

I would not, could not, for the ill.
I could not, would not; I’VE got pills.
I wish you’d tell me what’s a mohel.
I got prescriptions for MY boil.

I will not listen, makes no sense.
I’m really, really, really dense.
I will not buy good Health Care Plan.
I do not like it, Bam-I-can.

.

*Sigh.*
If I give?
O.K., I give!
Would you, could you, if I give?

.

I would not, could not,
if you give.

.

Would you, please, it’s not a joke?

.

[*plugs ears*] LALALA, I’ll just let
them choke.

Not if you ‘give’. No it ain’t broke.
There are no poor. Don’t need it free.
I do not like it, Bam, you see.
Not for their boils. Not for the ill.
WHAT IS A MOHEL???!!. Fuck with this bill.
I do not HAVE un-’covered’ friends.
It’s STRANGERS who’ll die of the bends!

.

You do not like
good Health Care Plan?

.

I do not
like it,
Bam-I-can.

.

Do you have a
mind that’s blank??!

.

I would not,
could not,
break with ranks!

.

Did you even HEAR
that Barney Frank?

.

I’m PROUD to be dumb as a plank.
I will not, I’ve a mind that’s blank
I do not care if strangers choke.
It works for me, so it ain’t broke!
Not if you give! Not if it’s free!
Not for the poor! You let me be!
I get good care when *I* am ill.       
So fuck the rest! Who needs your bill!
I get good coverage for my boil.
(I’m looking up this weird word ‘mohel’)

I only have insured good friends.
As for the poor, well — let them cleanse!

.

I do not like
good Health Care Plan!

I do not need it,
Bam-I-can.

.

You do not like it.
So you say.

Read it! Read it!
And you may.

Read it and you may, I say.

.

Bam!
If you will let me be,
I will read it.
You will see.

.

Say!
I like good Health Care Plan!
I do! I like it, Bam-I-can!
And I would kiss ol’ Barney Frank.
Why DID I think this program stank??

.

And I will help those who might choke.
And let them live. Hell, things ARE broke.
Yes, there are poor. They need this, gee…
This is so GOOD, so good, you see!

.

So they can get help if they’re ill.
And I will help you with your bill.
And I will let them salve their boil.
(Ah, NOW I see – oh, THAT’S a mohel!)
How could I be so fucking dense!!
Say! Maybe this thing makes some sense!!

I do so like
good Health Care Plan!
Thank you!
Thank you,
Bam-I-can!

———-

——-

Epilogue:

*woman who called Congressman Barney Frank a ‘Hitler’ applies for health coverage*

*denied*

*Sorry, ma’am, we don’t cover dining-room tables. You will have to go to State Farm Insurance, home and housewares division, to get insured. Please don’t scratch the door-jamb on your way out. Thank you.*

——-

Original, “Green Eggs and Ham” by Dr. Seuss (Theodor Seuss Geisel)

http://7english.wordpress.com/2007/10/17/green-eggs-and-ham-dr-seuss/

BACK AT THE TWADDLE AGAIN

[Mostly a play on Firesign Theatre’s ‘Back From the Shadows Again’ from “I Think We’re All Bozos On This Bus”, but also from original Gene Autry version ‘Back In the Saddle Again’. Both links below]

~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~

The Twitterin’ Squat [singing]:

Back at the twaddle again!
Here where you ‘follow’ your ‘friends’!
Where the avatars are green,
And you can tweet into the stream!
Yes, we’re back at the twaddle again!

We’re goin’ back on the Twitter again!
Out where you star all your friends—
Where the leaderboard’s all @sween,
But you can tweet right into the stream (and that’s important!)
We’re back on the Twitter again.

(OK, saddle up now!)

Ridin’ the *star*ways of ‘home’
Totin’ my old mobile phone!
Where the tweeting is an art
And the only meme is ‘#fart!’
Back at the twaddle again

Back on the shitter again!
Here where your cell-phone’s your friend!
Where you roar while you excrete,
And you can pee right while you tweet! (and that’s IMPORTANT!!)
Yes, we’re back on the shitter again!

~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~

-Hey I tweeted from my PHONE today! It was lame (i made a lame tweet 4 you but i tweeted it)

OK, here’s the link to lyrics from the Firesign Theatre’s parody-type song “Back From the Shadows Again” from album “I Think We’re All Bozos on This Bus”)

Back From the Shadows Again Firesign Theatre lyrics
http://lyricsplayground.com/alpha/songs/b/backfromtheshadowsagain.shtml

Back in the Saddle Again, Gene Autry (lyrics)
http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/sleeplessinseattle/backinthesaddleagain.htm

Now if I can only get Twitter to reinstate my standard-website access on my phone (been 2+ weeks now), I’ll be a happy shitter. I mean Twitter. I mean, back at replying again… and starring… on my PHONE. BTW, if you haven’t been privy to the experience, dealing with Twitter support is a little like— well, you ever seen ‘Brazil’? I think Bob Hoskins was my support-staff ‘helper’. As ‘Spoor’. Gack.  -B

The Beatles were always prescient. They knew ‘bout this before Twitter even existed.

Back With the DDoS

[sound of hackers typing]

Logged in from my yummy BB, what a breeze 
Thought I had the butthurt beat
Oy, the way the Twitter site was on its knees
Man, I need to drop a tweet
They’re back with the DDoS!
We don’t know how lucky we are, boy
Back with the DDoS, yeah

Been away so long I hardly know the site
Gee, it’s good to click on ‘home’
Leave it till tomorrow to upload some shite
Funny, can’t connect by phone!
They’re back with the DDoS
We don’t know how lucky we are, boy
Back with the DD
Back with the DD
Back with the DDoS

Well the @TerryBain URLs really knock me out
They leave the ‘mehs’ behind
And morrow’s pearls make me sing and shout
But Georgia’s got the FSB a-gunnin’ someone’s Russian behind
Oh, come on
Hu Hey Hu, hey, ah, yeah
yeah, yeah, yeah
They’re still with the DDoS
We don’t know how lucky we are, girls
Still with the DDoS

Well the U[C]Mike churls really knock me out
They leave the rest behind
And @munki’s curls make me sing and shout
But Georgia’s cy-guy’s got the Russians after all our Twitter behinds

Oh, show me round your snark-peaked mouthings, drunken louts
Take me to a Favrd fart
Let me hear your ‘bacon-like-uhs’ ringing out!
Come, I need my fix of stars
They’re back with the DDoS
Hey, we don’t know how lucky we are, boy
Back with the DDoS
Oh, let me bring the funny

What else could I do?
All will have a brew.
What else could I say?
(Man this fight is gay!)
How to make ‘em hear?
Let’s just have a beer.
What else could I do?
Just drink up your brew.

In the sun
In the sun we drink as one
In the sun
In the sun
“Obama!”
“Yer Mama!”

I wish I was like Bush
Brain more like a tush
Now we’re out of salt
Everything is my #!@%!# fault!!!!
We all share the blame
We acted pertty lame
Got burned when we got work
Choking on the crash of the economy

In the sun
In the sun we drink as one
In the sun
In the sun
Nom-a, Drama, Obama!
Your Mama!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

Amstel Light is all we got [x20]

===========================

Hey, I think they got a LOT done. Look what they’ve done to reinvigorate the beer industry. Economy’s looking up already.

Link to original lyrics of ‘All Apologies’ by Nirvana:

http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/All-Apologies-lyrics-Nirvana/27D2A6AB6C48E6E64825682D000E2C8A

Original lyrics shortened URL: http://bit.ly/10xDNx

Well, I thought it was time to expand (in more literate & snarky fashion below) upon my occasional previous twts explaining WHY I don’t/can’t follow umpteen numbers of people, even extraordinarily witty people, and HOW I actually DO pretty much ‘follow’ those I find witty and original EVEN IF they’re not in my daily, automatic tweet-stream.

I sometimes find that a very-welcome, entertaining person starts to follow (eliciting a ‘YESSSS!’ from this corner), and then, when I don’t add them to my ‘following’ list, they disappear a short time thereafter. Now if that’s because they’ve decided I’m not their cup of tea, well that happens and that’s a valid reason to stop following. -And if it’s because of last week’s mondo-tweet episode of “Cries from Whoville”, I definitely understand but HOPE they’ll come back and see that that’s not my typical output (multiple tweets trying to get the attention of an admired twitterer who had misread my pun while reading on the fly and had thought I was giving rude, pushy and incoherent advice. He finally heard me and said, essentially, “D’oh!”, but till he did, it wasn’t pretty). ANYWAY…

The thing is, I have a cell-phone, there are many like it buSHIT can’t stop doing that— I have a cell phone that is not an iPhone, it is not a Blackberry, I love it but it is a ‘regular’ cell phone. No Twitter apps. Also, my apartment has cellphone reception similar to, I would think, that of Burgess Meredith in the bank vault in that Twilight Zone episode. Waiting for a ‘page’ to appear on the screen would make for an even darker Beckett play. But I persist notwithstanding. (Because my name is Becca, and I am a twittaholic). ALSO-

Also — for what OCD-ish reason I know not — I aim to read EVERY tweet in my personal tweet-stream. Again, with no apps or ways to have ‘preferences’ (which I assume other phones can do?) at all. As it is, I spend too fucking much time ‘catching up’ with the morning’s tweets as it is when I get up late-morning. But I do it anyway. Because it’s fun. And again, there’s the addiction thing.

In addition to the posts of people I ‘officially’ follow, I see other people’s great twts both on Favrd and from my ‘visiting’ their profile page. When someone whose name/avatar I recognize starts to follow me, I check out their profile page, +maybe their Favrd page, and star stuff that makes my starring hand twitch toward the mouse. I take note of that person and visit their page every so often. OCCASIONALLY I follow. Against my better judgment, as I already page through nine or so pages of tweets on my phone every ‘morning’ to catch up with the overnight’s/morning’s tweets. But sometimes someone’s sense of insanity so matches mine that their posts are like crack and I know I’d be clicking on their page all the time anyway, so I bow to it and click ‘follow’. But here’s the thing:

If I *don’t* follow you (not that people care that much, this is sounding way more self-important than I feel), it doesn’t mean that I looked at your page and went ‘meh’. It means this: if I ‘officially’ followed everyone I like to read, and retained my preferred habit of READING all the tweets in my personal tweet-stream, then I’d have no time for work, and well we won’t even go there. And if I DON’T read all the tweets in my stream, then what the hell would anyone care if I officially ‘followed’ them anyway? Isn’t the point of following, y’know, actually READING someone? Or is just for the ‘status’ of being followed by absolutely EVERYONE you follow?? Or racking up numbers? I don’t get it. To me, what I like about being ‘followed’ is that people are, like, reading stuff I’m saying. Which — between my stabs-at-humor that don’t fly so good — is occasionally not too fucking bad. On alternate Tuesdays. Usually at 4:30 in the morning.

OK, to the point here: (Can you see why I’m addicted to Twitter? I guess I instinctively know that having an arbitrary 140-character limit is healthy for someone who is quite capable of waxing verbosely into 140 pages of yadda-yadda if I don’t watch it)—

If I don’t follow you back upon your starting to follow me, be assured that I’ve noticed you (I mean real people, of course; not even talking about the random followers who are Social Media Hopefuls etc.).  I will see your stuff on your page and on Favrd. If I OFFICIALLY followed all the cool Favrd folk whom I love reading, I’d be unable to follow my entire tweetstream anyway - if you follow my meaning. I’d rather have a smaller array of people, whom I read in full, and then add to that my wanderings and clickings in which I visit and explore all those other cool folks too.

Gawd this sounds so fucking self-important, it’s not like I think people are hanging on whether *I* in particular follow them or not. It’s just frustrating when people I like disappear after a few days when I don’t follow them back, as if I’ve snubbed them or like it’s an indication that I don’t ‘get’ or like their stuff enough to read ‘em. I often DO read and like them, but just can’t *officially* follow ALL the great funny Favrlicious folks. Unless, of course, I skip actually READING the tweets. In which case, huh what’s the point?

..Again, I realize that some unfollows may just be from boredom, not the above issue at all. Maybe you liked one Favrd tweet of mine but my humor in general isn’t for you, or at least not enough to follow regularly; that happens, I accept that reason (even if it leaves my ego whimpering quietly in the corner). But if someone unfollows me shortly after starting to follow for the ABOVE reason, I do hope you’ll consider whether you enjoy my nonsense popping up in your stream or not, and be assured that I am Spartacus. I mean *shakes self*, that I *am* following you, even if it’s sometimes a little like weekend visitation. Otherwise I won’t have time for work, eat, sleep, and then where would those dancers be?

Horrible, horrible verbosity above which I am tempted to erase so as to just leave the more dramatic elucidation below, but I think I’ll leave it as well. What the fuck.

BUT! if Henry Fonda were here to act out what I’m *trying* to say, he might say it SO much more tastefully, something like this:

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

ALL AROUND IN THE DARK

Yer Ma: How are ya gonna know about me, Becca? Why I could be killin’ and you’d never know. That would hurt me. How are ya gonna know? 
BeccaPiano, as played by Henry Fonda: Well, maybe it’s like @I’mSoMuchZennerThanYou says. A fellow ain’t got a tweet-stream of his own, just little piece of a big Tweetstream, the one big stream that belongs to everybody, then… 
Yer Ma: Then what, Becca? 
BeccaPiano/HenryFonda: Then it don’t matter. I’ll be all around in the dark - I’ll be everywhere. Wherever you can look - wherever there’s a fart, so bored horny people can laugh, I’ll be there. Wherever there’s a bot beatin’ off a guy, I’ll be there. I’ll be in the way girls block you when they’re mad. I’ll be in the way people laugh when they’re hungry for stars and they know Favrd’s up, and when the people are starrin’ the stuff they read and @-ing the followers they build - I’ll be there, too. 
Yer Ma: I don’t understand it, Becca. 
BeccaPiano/HenryFonda: Me, neither, Yer Ma, but - just somethin’ I been thinkin’ of tweetin’ about.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Thank you, Henry. You were always better at this sort of thing than me.

Cheers.

Original quote at:  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0032551/quotes

PS I find it highly amusing that the above link doesn’t post as a link, whereas my copied imdb quote includes blue-tinted names that I’ve retyped and yet which still remain links. To the two actors speaking those lines. But you can copy/paste the above link to get to the quotes page that has the original. Thanks.