The Faven by Becca Illin Schmo - Now 90% More Epic!

(Inspired by @GPappalardo’s refrigerator-side vigil, eating grapes & pondering life)
http://twitter.com/GPappalardo/statuses/2113871591

Sitting on my kitchen flooro,
Facing my refridgy dooro
Thinkin’ bout ol’ Moltz and morrow
All those tweeters full of gore;

“‘Tis just Madness,” here I muttrd,”
As my toast I jammed and buttrd,
“Sitting here all knees-a-cluttrd
hunched upon my kitchen floor;
Eating grapes, with knees-a-cluttrd
hunkered down on kitchen floor:
         What else is a kitchen for?

“I should be upon the Twitter
Dissing cats, or licking litter
Writing gems upon the shitter
up till 2:00, or 3:00, or 4:00 -

“Only wish that I were Favrd,
For that role, I’ve always slavered
But, alas, it’s SWEEN!” - I quavered -
“always beats me to that glor-
Tell me, FavdBot, what has Sween got,
that makes him enshrined in glor’?”
         Quoth the BirdBot:  “Favrd more.”

“All the day, I’m fiercely tweeting,
Wielding wit — in truth, entreating
all who read to star me—bleating
silently within my core—

“There, amidst my odes to bacon,
cheese, and cats, and girlfriends’ fakin’,
Can you hear the secret achin’
That impels this frothy roar?
Tell me, pray you, how shall I
ascend to Sween’s exalted roar?”
         Quoth the BirdBot: “Never bore.”

“Yes — though I may talk of jacking
off, or maybe of my hacking
cough, you’ll know what’s really lacking—
-awful need to hear ‘Encore!’

“Ah, those yellow stars of passion
Those are why I’m always hashin’
out these blurts intently fashioned
To impress, like mighty Thor—
Yes, each post is deftly hammered
as by that of mighty Thor—”
         Quoth the Bird: “Approval Whore!”

“No!” I cried, “My quest’s not hollow!
I’ll be good! Please don’t unfollow!
Hey - I swear, I’ll even swallow!
Starring all with great amore—

“Here, I’ll share my smooth Havana’s;
C’mon, boys, to my cabana! -
…DAMN I can’t reach badbanana,
Twenty-two or even more;
How will I reach badbanana,
who keeps getting more and  more?”
         Quoth the Bird: “You’re such a chore.”

Then, my poise quite nearly failin’,
Made a joke about a Shaolin
then, slam-dunked a ‘Sarah Palin’
crack— I felt alive once more!

…Sitting, calmer, gently tapping,
on the keys while nimbly crapping,
E’er resigned to ONE star clapping—
Well, there WILL be three in store—
Yes, one day I’ll reach the grail, there
WILL be three or more in store-“
         Quoth the Birdbot, “Leaderboard.” 

“If I but persist,” I shivrd,
“I will get there!” - here I quivrd;
“Favr will yet be delivrd
To my soul, and to my door.”

“It’s a quest, I must be plucky,
If I try, I might get lucky…
Just ignore that BritVidFucky,
Keep on truckin’ evermore;
Yes, I hate that BritVidFucky,
clogging up my Twitter floor—”
         Quoth the Bird: “Yeah, she’s a whore.”

“One last plea,” I called, beseechin’,
“Just one final word you’re teachin’,
I don’t wanna be like Prejean,
fucking up with stunts galore…

“Can you just, oh please, oh Lordy,
Help me with my endless sortie
through the jungles of 140
—help me, what should I deplore?
I must know—” my voice here quavrd—
“What such things should I deplore?”
(“Are there subjects so mundane, or
tacky, boring or profane - are
there some places I should deign
or dare not venture, I implore?”)
         Quoth the Birdbot: “Dumbledore.”
 

It ain’t over till it’s over, folks! It’s late at night and I think I’ll return to this in time and fix it. FIX REPLIES FIX REPRISE GAWD I gotta go to bed, g’night all — stars & giggles - Becca