Someone forgot to
check on Schrödinger’s cat. Now
he sits in his box,
Half dead, waiting for
kibbles. The atom didn’t
decay, no poison
was released — but the
dumb putz who was supposed to
feed the thing, didn’t.
So in the quantum
world of pet-sitting, there are
no ifs, ands, or buts —
If you like your cat —
there’s no two ways about it —
Don’t hire Heisenberg.
He gets too busy
measuring out the Cat Chow,
deciding where to
put the bowl, or how
fast to dish it out. When asked,
He simply shrugs and
looks uncertain, his
eyes two inscrutable slits.
You know that Werner!
He says it just can’t
be helped. But the next time you
need a cat-sitter,
Stay clear of Werner,
he just can’t commit, or hold
two things in his mind
at the same time. He
refuses to see a doc;
says ‘it’s inherent’.
But anyway, if
you need someone to see to
your kitty, why not
try Albert? He’ll watch
your cat with care and — except
for an odd habit
of tossing stray cats
onto passing trains — he’s quite
good really (just don’t
ask him to play craps
with you, he gets touchy).
Other than that, great!
So call Albert. As
far as cat-sitters go, he’s
fine! (relatively).
Of course, if Albert’s
not available, you might
call on Wigner’s friend —
He’s only good for
watching, though, he just stands there
(don’t really know why)
But anyway, that’s
the scoop. Just stay away from
Werner, go with Al.
So now your only
worry is that cyanide
thing — but who can say?
-Professor Becca, PhD’oh, Doctor of Unclear Physics
OK, if you kinda went ‘hunh?’ at all that, but instead of clicking away from here in disgust and ennui you decided you’re curious about quantum theory and the Schrödinger’s Cat thought-experiment, you might check out Wikipedia’s entry on it at
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger%27s_cat
There’s also an official entry on it in the Hitchhiker’s Guide to The Galaxy (yes, there really IS one), local edition, at
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/brunel/A1073945
This BBC-sponsored site was actually the brainchild of Douglas Adams himself and a few others; it was originally located at a different webpage that is no longer. It’s the site at which I first sort of ‘submitted’ this thing a few weeks ago [to their ‘Underguide’, that is, since it’s not an ‘informative, factual’ item] but it’s in a kind of limbo there. Sort of like — hey!
Also, if you’d like to read a silly, brilliant take on this very subject, please check out this wonderful, short but helpful piece from Cecil Adams of ‘The Straight Dope’ — he calls it “The story of Schroedinger’s cat (an epic poem):
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/113/the-story-of-schroedingers-cat-an-epic-poem
Niels Bohr, whose theories (along with those of the other quantum theorists) gave good ol’ Albert E. a tad bit of indigestion, once said: “Anyone who is not shocked by quantum theory has not understood it.”
OK, and now you know that under this snarky and musical exterior also beats the heart of a science nerd. But without any of the math.
