I have been trying for over six months to get Twitter zendesk (better known as ‘Twitter Zoned-Out Desk’) to help me get back the Twitter regular (standard) site on my cell phone, which I used to use swimmingly for several months from my first day at Twitter nearly a year ago until last July, when suddenly my cell would not go to the standard site (twitter.com) but only go m.twitter.com. The mobile site does not allow one to star tweets, reply (link to) to a specific tweet, view WHAT tweet someone else is specifically replying to, etc. etc. etc. When I could get to the standard site on my phone I could do all that.  I tried a million things: I called Verizon, who insisted there’d been no changes “on their end” and that they couldn’t possibly be the source of the problem. I initiated a ticket at twitter.zendesk.com, which is not unlike asking Spoor from ‘Brazil’ to fix one’s heating problem. Where’s Harry Tuttle when you need him?

After the approximately 5th or 6th time that some smiley, happy but utterly clueless Zendesk peon has responded to my reiteration of the problem with a non-sequitur reply geared toward someone with Twitter problems on their COMPUTER or whatnot, I finally just now sent this:

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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

This is on my PHONE. My PHONE. There is no Firefox on my phone.

Maybe you’ll understand this if I speak in Dr. Seuss?

There is no Firefox on my phone.
There is no Firefox, it’s a PHONE.
I do not like this Zendesk crap.
I wish for this there was an app.
You drive me nuts with inane posts.
You guys are deaf! Your brains are toast!
I already tried clearing cache.
You guys are one big Pain in Ash.
For one last time: IT’S ON MY ***PHONE***!!!!!!
Do you guys there have brains of STONE??
(Or maybe you’re just GETTING stoned.
Your deafness makes me want to groan).
So: ONE LAST TIME: My CELL’s the prob.
How DO you dumbkopfs keep your job????!!!
If this seems rude, just bear in mind:
It’s SIX MONTHS NOW; that’s loads of time
For SOMEONE there to heed my cries.
Poor Horton had more sane replies.
Now WILL someone with BRAINS respond?
I don’t need Einstein, nor James Bond,
Just SOMEONE who can USE HIS BRAIN
To READ MY POST and not be lame.

OKAY??????????????????????

To reiterate: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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So, whaddaya think, guys? You think they’ll get it? Or should I speak to them in ‘Dick and Jane’?

“See Zendesk. See Zendesk fuckup. See Zendesk fuckup alot! See Zendesk at there desks smoking ganja! See Zendesk go to hell!”

They take incompetence to an Olympic level. Anyone have any ideas for a National Anthem for the Twitter Zendesk?

Thanks for list’nin.